Welcome Back! This week we are getting into relationships, but more importantly taking a look at the relationship you are having with yourself. Ready to dive in?
Recently, I met what I felt was an amazing guy (I’m sure he still is, let’s call him Sean). It was after 9pm on a Saturday and after having a powerful pole dance workshop earlier that day, I was sitting in the barbershop buzzing, while my son was getting his hair trimmed. In walks a guy who I had seen once before and although no words were exchanged on that occasion, our eyes locked on one another and I felt his energy. I wanted to know more! I guess Sean felt the exact same as this time around, it didn’t take him long to strike up a conversation. I was both intrigued and physically attracted to him. We spoke until the barber was finished with Jevon who at that point had fallen asleep. A true gentleman! This handsome human, picked my son up and offered to carry him closer to the house. Sean definitely had my attention.
We spoke again after that day, he also purchased two signed copies of my book, Chapter 30. Sean mentioned how he loved our conversations and everything I stood for and was ready to set up our first date. It was getting exciting and that’s when it happened or should I say that is when nothing happened. After a good morning text to which I responded, there was no call or text response. Not for the rest of that day or since then.
I had officially been ghosted…
Now, I won’t say it didn’t hurt a little, however, this is where we get to CHOOSE how we respond, which is often a reflection of the relationship we are having with self, our beliefs and emotional intelligence.
Fear Based Response
We have all been here before and without healing or focusing on continuous personal development, many women will continue to react from a place of fear. Here is what a fear based response may look like;
- Asking yourself and others what is wrong with you
- Trying to remember what you may have did or said to push him away
- Refusing to openly communicate with men moving forward for fear of being rejected
- Talking negatively about your looks/body
- Messaging/calling the guy to get an explanation
- Making far fetched assumptions as to why he never got back in contact
With the above, you are giving this individual way too much power. Both blaming and judging yourself for someone else’s actions can only lead to confusion, hurt, anger, resentment and feelings of being rejected.
Faith Based Response
How different would your energy be, if although being ghosted, you chose to remain in your feminine power, not allowing his absence to define your self-worth? From this place you can remind yourself that;
- You are worthy of all you desire
- If he is not calling you back, it is likely he is unavailable, whether emotionally/physically
- You mustn’t get attached to an outcome and instead hold onto the faith that your man is coming, even if this one ghosted you
- There may be limiting beliefs to clear, which currently keep love away
- You need to focus on loving yourself first, the right man will show up in divine time
- He may be trying to play it cool, relax, he may call back, however, you will be getting on with living your best life, regardless
It can be hard to choose a faith based response if you have not taken the time to forgive your past hurts, and develop a solid, loving relationship with self, but it is never too late. If you are ever in this situation, the following can support you;
Get Help To Heal
When we do not know how to forgive and instead hold onto our deepest pains, we often react from our wounded little girl, instead of responding from a place of power, love and understanding. Healing can help to let go of what no longer serves us and by forgiving our past, we are free to open our hearts to what is truly possible, instead of focusing on all that isn’t working.
Don’t go crazy attempting to hold it all in, write down what you truly feel. How angry were you that he didn’t call back? It’s OK to have and express your emotions however, finding healthier ways to do this makes all the difference.
What triggers you?
What beliefs do you hold toward love?
What is your definition of a healthy and loving relationship?
When you know yourself, you can identify emotional triggers more effectively and choose a better response, instead of simply reacting to the pain.
God doesn’t need any time and is never too late. With him all things are possible
P.s. Are you ready to start your journey to a confident and more powerful you? If you find you are prone to fear based responses, now is the time to get the necessary support to help shift your mindset, heal your wounds and begin to create the life you crave unapologetically. Book your ‘Freedom To Be You’ introductory session today and let’s make 2020 like nothing you’ve experienced before.