He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness…
I was recently coaching a client and these very words were spoken. Have you ever felt these words roll off your tongue, knowing you meant every, single, part of what was said? Sadness, disappointment, anger and frustration are emotions you have become attached to, due to the burden which you too often carry alone. You have a million reasons why you feel so strongly about holding onto the pain which passed between you and another, yet you miss the most important reason, as to why you should learn how to forgive and let go.
I get it! Heck, I’ve felt it too, the unwillingness to let go and forgive because you desperately want the other person to know how much they hurt you. Yes, there have been a few times in my life where after feeling wronged by another person’s actions, I have held onto resentment and created a wall around my heart in an attempt to avoid ever feeling that level of pain again. However, what I failed to realise is, not forgiving someone damages me the most. The same applies to you.
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace
Jonathan Lockwood Hule
Resentment blocks our blessings, keeps us wrapped up in fear and pushes us deep into the clutches of our comfort/safety zone, afraid to ever really trust, love or give our all in case we get burned yet again. If we’ve been hurt or betrayed by someone, it feels easier to hold onto the pain because we feel that should we forgive and let go, it would somehow make what that person did OK. This is far from the truth. You can forgive and take one of the following actions, depending on the situation and how you desire to move forward.
Forgive & Release The Individual
There may have been an incident in your life where a friend, ex, current partner, family member, maybe even a work colleague has hurt you so badly that you cannot find it in your heart to forgive let alone continue the relationship. This is absolutely fine, honour your boundaries and values, yet you can still take the time to heal your energy and in the process release the individual, so that you can live your life in the healthiest and best way, resentment free. You never have to speak to the person again, sometimes this is what is best for everyone, but when we forgive, we can both recognise and appreciate that our past does not need to dictate our future.
I once had a friend who done some pretty low s%*t and I knew I could never trust her. I didn’t want to entertain a relationship any longer, because it was toxic and I made peace with that decision. I was able to forgive her for what was done and release the friendship, lifting a weight off my shoulder in the process.
Forgive & Rebuild Your Relationship With The Individual
We may be hurting due to another person’s actions but still want them to be a part of our life. In this case, forgiveness is necessary to give the relationship which will be rebuilt, a fighting chance of survival. You must also be willing to take responsibility for the part you played in creating the situation. Whether you didn’t speak up for what was right, failed to set boundaries/follow through with consequences or maybe you ignored the clear red flags from the beginning. If you can take the time to acknowledge the lesson and blessing during a situation that has left you feeling resentful, you can regain your power and let go of any need to play victim.
“The only true way to create a more loving, productive and fulfilling life is by forgiving the past”
So who do you need to forgive? If you would like support to begin your healing journey, schedule your ‘Freedom To Be You’ Introductory session today, where we will uncover the beliefs and unhealed wounds which keep you stuck in repetitive patterns and design a plan for you to move toward exquisite happiness, inner peace and begin to unapologetically create the life you crave.
Until next time…