Hey gorgeous and welcome back!
A friend (let’s call her Sonia) reached out to me recently asking for advice on her situationship however, Sonia already knows what to do. Currently, walking away is by far the most peaceful and self-loving response, to being with a man who is in a relationship and living with both his partner and kids. An unavailable man, who at present, cannot commit yet the decision to walk away is one Sonia is unwilling to make at this moment in time.
You may have been here once before, or maybe you find yourself in a similar circumstance as you read these words. I too was once addicted to an unavailable man who could not be there for me as I desired, yet I fought myself for seven painful months, until I found faith, strength and learned to love myself enough to walk away from the bullshit.
What motivates us to hold on to a situation that is clearly not in our best interest? What possesses a woman to entertain a man who refuses to make her a priority in his life? Through my own experience and coaching countless women who have gone through exactly what Sonia is facing, I discovered three common reasons a woman will struggle to walk away from a situationship that despite brief moments of pleasure and feelings of being loved, safe and secure, is a recipe for heartbreak. I write this blog with love, for any woman who finds herself in the exhausting battle between loving herself first and looking for love in the wrong places.
The Struggle: You Fear You Will Never Again Find A Connection So Powerful
To connect with someone in a powerful way feels almost magical. To feel loved, cared for, and supported by someone is what most (if not all) women desire. How would it feel to know that the relationship you want, is possible with someone who is available to love and cherish you and ONLY you? Like I did, you will struggle to walk away from a situationship if you believe that you will never find love, connection, great sex or [fill in the blank], like this again. I found it harder to walk away from a man who still lived with his ex, as I focused only on how he supported and courted me and most definitely, his skills in the bedroom, constantly telling myself he was perfect in every sense.
My truth? This guy could not commit. He was simply a door opener and had unlocked the door to a new reality for me. I recognised later that if I could attract him, I could attract more experiences like this (minus the baggage) as it was me who was raising my vibration and in turn attracting high quality men. This goes for you too. As you work on yourself, prioritising your pleasure, deciding on your non-negotiables, setting both your standards and requirements for a relationship, you’ll begin to see the Universe send people into your life who you will also feel a strong connection to. It is time to choose faith over fear. Trust all that you seek, is seeking you. Surrender. Let God bring to you the person who is meant for you; your job is to simply clear all that stands in the way of this gift.
The Struggle: You Are Committed To The Drama
DRAMA IS A DISTRACTION. I hope you will commit this phrase to memory as too many amazing, powerful women (oh yes I was Queen of this) are keeping themselves from their mission by getting caught up in low level distractions, like putting all of their energy and attention on to a man who cannot give the same in return. I didn’t get the memo until much later in life that everything didn’t have to be so damn hard, so in both business and relationships especially, I chose the path of struggle, challenge and unnecessary drama. We stay stuck by focusing on why we find ourselves in these stressful situations, instead of devoting our efforts to deciding that we are worth more and instead creating new experiences to reflect this.
Are you afraid of what you are truly capable of? Most women I work with are, so instead opt for drama over stepping up 100% to the responsibility to fulfil their life purpose. You are not alone and together we can rise up, but first one needs to make a commitment to self (and recommit as often as is necessary).
The Struggle: You Have Yet To Create Peace With Your Past
Love hurts. Love is painful. All men cheat. Men are intimidated by strong women. I cannot have love and be successful. Pick your poison, we have all been under the spell of negative beliefs at some point in our lives. When it comes to relationships, many (this was me too) are completely unaware of the power we give to the past, which in turn creates our present reality. Ever ask yourself why you attract a certain type of partner? Whether that is someone who cannot dedicate themselves to you, an emotionally abusive person or even a serial cheater, it is important to recognise that there is something within you that will need to shift in order to experience a new reality.
I was set free when I realised that as I changed my relationship to my past, forgave those who had hurt me (especially my father), I was able to open up to the possibility of falling in love with someone who was capable of loving me back. For years before this, I had a thick wall in front of my heart refusing to let someone in, for fear of being hurt. I later realised as an empowered woman, you can recognise the red flags early and trust your intuition to guide you along the best path. I didn’t need to fear love, as continuing to push it away was actually hurting me.
You may think that your pain protects you from being hurt however each time you compromise your self worth by clinging on to a situationship which does not serve you. This is the real long term damage.
Is this all making sense? Do you resonate with one or more of these struggles? What will it take for you to choose faith over any fear that rears its ugly head, and walk away from the experience while this person gets their shit together. They may not ever walk away from their current life, but one thing is for sure, you get to choose as you move forward, what you are and are not available for and do not have to sit around hoping for that ‘one day’. The power and choice were always within you. The question is are you ready to put it to use?
*You got this Queen*
P.s. If you want to take this further, diving in to your specific challenges, I would love to be of service. You can schedule a consultation to see if working together is a fit. To learn more simply click here